Big Idea Daily | The First Rule of Mastery
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Stop Worrying about What People Think of Youby Michael Gervais, PhD with Kevin Lake |
“If your orientation is to take the temperature of the world around you before tapping into the fire inside you, you will never unlock your potential."MICHAEL GERVAIS, PHD |
BIG IDEA
FOPO: An Invisible Limit
FROM THE BOOK“Our fear of people’s opinions (FOPO) is a hidden epidemic and may be the single greatest constrictor of human potential.
Our concern with what other people think about us has become an irrational, unproductive, and unhealthy obsession in the modern world. And its negative effects reach into all aspects of our lives.
When we experience FOPO, we lose faith in ourselves, and our performance suffers. That’s human nature.
But, if we’re not careful, FOPO can take over the narrative in our minds, slowly poisoning us. Instead of focusing on our own thoughts and feelings, we start obsessing about the thoughts and opinions of others, whether spoken or perceived, and this obsession can affect our decisions and actions.
And our lives...
The sooner you fundamentally change your relationship with other people’s opinions, the sooner you become free. Totally free to be at home with yourself wherever you are.”
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Brian's Notes
Want to know The First Rule of Mastery?
Here it is...
Get over your FOPO.
Your fear of people’s opinions is limiting your potential.
As Mike puts it: “FOPO shows up almost everywhere in our lives—and the consequences are great. We play it safe and we play it small because we’re afraid of what will happen on the other side of critique. When challenged, we go full-on porcupine, protecting our egos with our version of sharp quills, or we surrender our viewpoint. We trade in authenticity for approval.”
← That’s brilliant.
Have you ever experienced the vacillation from porcupine-mode defending your position to surrender-mode where we acquiesce to someone else’s viewpoint?
Me, too. Like... yesterday. (Hah.)
Technically, now that I’ve arrived at what we’re going to do with 100% clarity and ALL IN commitment, the quills are down and I’m not defending or acquiescing my decision.
But... The last few weeks gave me plenty of opportunities to practice this philosophy. I’m typing this a few days into a new phase of our biz. In my Notes on The Science of Scaling, I talk about the process I went through to arrive at the ONE impossible goal we’re going for: 1,000 Notes => 1M x $100 = $100M.
This morning, during my Confident Mind-inspired journaling process, I wrote: “I have created 1,000 Notes. 1 million people say PN is THE best $100 they have ever invested in themselves. We have generated $100 million of revenue and activated our movement.”
Ah. That felt great just typing that.
But, here’s the deal. One of the most challenging things for me over the last several weeks has been my FOPO.
To put it directly: There are a LOT of people who think THEY know what I should be doing with our biz better than I do. (Actually, there aren’t that many. Two in particular. ;)
As Ralph Waldo Emerson said in Self-Reliance: “What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what your duty is better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
I repeat: “You will always find those who think they know what your duty is better than you know it.”
Of course, certain people in our lives will often offer valuable insights that will improve our thinking. But... And this is one of those BIG BUTS... If we succumb to the pressure of FOPO, we’re in trouble.
Which is why Emerson also says: “I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should.”
I could quote Emerson ALL DAY but I’ll send you to my Notes on Self-Reliance after I share a couple more of his gems.
Know this: “For nonconformity the world whips you with its displeasure.”
And know this: “And truly it demands something godlike in him who has cast off the common motives of humanity, and has ventured to trust himself for a taskmaster. High be his heart, faithful his will, clear his sight, that he may in good earnest be doctrine, society, law, to himself, that a simple purpose may be to him as strong as iron necessity is to others!”
Now... As I typed that I thought of my dear friend, Marty Bicknell. In addition to being our biggest investor and biggest corporate partner, Marty is on our Heroic board and has become my most trusted advisor. (Got a little misty typing that as I think of the incredible insights he’s provided over just the last few weeks.)
He echoes this FOPO wisdom.
I recently asked him what I should do with what I perceive to be bad advice. He said: “My dad taught me to ask people what they think then keep what you want and throw away the rest.” To which I say: “PERFECT!” No FOPO porcupine-surrender required.
At the end of that same chat, I asked him: “What’s the #1 thing you want me thinking about?” His answer became my mantra during my decision-making process: “Trust yourself.”
Most recently, once the decision was made, Marty told me: “Ignore the haters. No backup plan. Go get it.”
That’s my wisdom to you right now... Do the hard work to connect to your best self to craft the clarity you need to create your ideal future.
Then... Let go of the FOPO.
TRUST YOURSELF.
Ignore the haters. No backup plan. GO GET IT!
Big Ideas
01: FOPO
02: YOUR SELF-WORTH
03: THE ANTIDOTE TO FOPO
04: BIGGER THAN YOU
05: WHAT WILL YOU REGRET?
“You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do."DAVID FOSTER WALLACE |
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