New PN: How to Know a Person
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The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seenby David Brooks |
“Out of your own moments of suffering, struggle, friendship, intimacy, and joy comes a compassionate awareness of how other people feel - their frailty, their confusion, and their courage. The wise are those who have lived full, varied lives, and reflected deeply on what they've been through"DAVID BROOKS |
FROM THE BOOK"The purpose of this book is to help us become more skilled at the art of seeing others and making them feel seen, heard, and understood.
When I started research on this subject, I had no clue what this skill consisted of. But I did know that exceptional people in many fields had taught themselves versions of this skill. Psychologists are trained to see the defenses people build up to protect themselves from their deepest fears. Actors can identify the core traits of a character and teach themselves to inhabit the role. Biographers can notice the contradictions in a person and yet see a life whole. Teachers can spot potential. Skilled talk show and podcast hosts know how to get people to open up and be their true selves. There are so many professions in which the job is to see, anticipate, and understand people: nursing, the ministry, management, social work, marketing, journalism, editing, HR, and on and on. My goal was to gather some of the knowledge that is dispersed across these professions and integrate it into a single practical approach. So I embarked on a journey toward greater understanding, a journey on which I still have a long, long way to go. I gradually realized that trying to deeply know and understand others is not just about mastering some set of techniques; it’s a way of life. It’s like what actors who have gone to acting school experience: When they’re onstage, they’re not thinking about the techniques they learned in school. They’ve internalized them, so it is now just part of who they are. I’m hoping this book will help you adopt a different posture toward other people, a different way of being present with people, a different way of having bigger conversations. Living this way can yield the deepest pleasures.” |
Brian's Notes
David Brooks is one of the nation’s leading writers and commentators. He is an op-ed columnist for The New York Times and a writer for The Atlantic. I’m a big fan of David’s incredibly lucid writing, his humility, and his wisdom.
This is the third Note we’ve done on one of his insightful books. We started with The Road to Character. Then we covered The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.
As David says: “In this age of creeping dehumanization, I’ve become obsessed with social skills: how to get better at treating people with consideration; how to get better at understanding the people right around us. I’ve come to believe that the quality of our lives and the health of our society depends, to a large degree, on how well we treat each other in the minute interactions of daily life.
And all of these different skills rest on one foundational skill: the ability to understand what another person is going through. There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood. That is the heart of being a good person, the ultimate gift you can to others and to yourself.”
Becoming the type of good person who can give that ultimate gift to others and to ourselves is what this wonderful book is all about. (Get a copy.)
As you’d expect, it’s packed with Big Ideas. As always, I’m excited to share a handful of my favorites and help you apply them to your life TODAY so let’s get to work.
This is the third Note we’ve done on one of his insightful books. We started with The Road to Character. Then we covered The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.
As David says: “In this age of creeping dehumanization, I’ve become obsessed with social skills: how to get better at treating people with consideration; how to get better at understanding the people right around us. I’ve come to believe that the quality of our lives and the health of our society depends, to a large degree, on how well we treat each other in the minute interactions of daily life.
And all of these different skills rest on one foundational skill: the ability to understand what another person is going through. There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood. That is the heart of being a good person, the ultimate gift you can to others and to yourself.”
Becoming the type of good person who can give that ultimate gift to others and to ourselves is what this wonderful book is all about. (Get a copy.)
As you’d expect, it’s packed with Big Ideas. As always, I’m excited to share a handful of my favorites and help you apply them to your life TODAY so let’s get to work.
Big Ideas
01: ILLUMINATORS
02: YOUR SUFFERING
03: EMPATHY
04: YOUR LIFE STORY
05: WHAT DO YOU SEE
“Now, you may be an atheist, an agnostic, a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, a Buddhist, or something else, but this posture of respect and reverence this awareness of the infinite dignity of each person you meet, is a precondition for seeing people well."DAVID BROOKS |
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